When I see you walking with her, I have to cover my eyes...

After a year of lovey-dovey, mushy-gushy love, my past few months are spent by myself.

Let's recap- shall we?

I met the ex, we'll call her Curly, through a friend a couple years ago. We didn't start dating until a year later, but the moment we met, I felt an instant connection. Despite the high drama and intenseness of lesbian relationships, we worked and we were in love. Time went by and eventually we fell apart. I still find myself missing her six months later, but time has told me to move on.

Over the past few months, I've cried, healed, smiled, cried, smiled to cover pain, dated, rejected (several times to the same people,) been rejected (once each time, because I can take a hint,) and come to the realization that I am not ready to fall into a relationship again so quickly.

After being fine for months, for the past two weeks, I've been filled with memories and pained by the loss of Curly. She and I had an unbreakable bond that will last forever, so it's difficult to say goodbye.

Coincidentally, when I started to feel better about everything a few days ago, Curly texted me asking if we could get a drink. I weakly responded "yes" and braced myself for an awkward evening. We started out fine, laughing, talking, reminiscing. She then informed me she was miserable, doing stupid things, dating someone 25 years older than she and started crying, as she was being treated horribly by this woman. She apologized for treating me badly at the end of our relationship and told me she felt like she deserved to be really low for a while. I held her, told her it would be okay and I will always be there for her because deep down, I always will care and want to be there for her.

There isn't much I can do for Curly and it's killing me. I can tell her I only want good things for her and that she deserves nothing but the best, which I really believe to be true. But until she believes it herself, there isn't a thing I can do for her.

My question is simple: When you break up, friends say there is nothing you can do for the ex because he/she is not your problem any more. However, when you care about someone and want them in your life no matter what, aren't you supposed to try to help? Don't friends help friends? Why should it be any different if you dated the person? Do you draw the line when you still have feelings for the other person? No, she is not my responsibility, but neither are my friends, yet I go out of the way to help them. I don't get the whole double-standard thing. Will someone explain this to me?

As a lesbian, I'm accustomed to drama within my relationships, friendships, hook-ups, and even acquaintances. I can only laugh now that I am started to dive into the dating world again, because as I told a friend, within the past couple of weeks I've realized my life should be filmed and be made into a horrible lesbian reality TV show. However, as the world of technology and over-exposed lives progresses, I'm seeking a more anonymous way of sharing my story. Because isn't that what we all really want? Well-known anonymity?

Until the drama continues...